The Solution to a Busy Life
“The solution to an overbusy life is not more time. It is to slow down and simplify our lives around what really matters.”
While we live in a culture that constantly strives to live beyond our means we are beginning to realize that simple self-care is not necessarily enough to save us from the place we now find ourselves. We are notorious for missing personal cues for the syndrome of burnout and burnout has been getting more attention. According to Forbes Magazine, the “World Health Organization upgraded burnout from a ‘state’ of exhaustion to ‘a syndrome’ resulting from ‘chronic workplace stress’ in its International Disease Classification, the official compendium of diseases.” What about time? Aren’t people aware of this and prioritizing their time and taking vacation, especially when needed? The simple answer for most people, is no. The Forbes article reads loud and clear, “Americans Wasted 768 Million Vacation Days Last Year.” These are paid, unused vacation days completely forfeited with $65.5 billion in benefits lost. Finally, Forbes makes the point that In the end, sick days end up being used in place of vacation days, “As many as one million people per day miss work because of stress. Studies suggest that all of this translates into a loss of anywhere from $150 billion to $300 billion annually for U.S. employers. The effects of burnout take a toll not only on individuals, but also on businesses and the economy.”
Recognizing Our Limits
In the book, “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry” John Mark Comer states plainly, "The solution to an overbusy life is not more time. It is to slow down and simplify our lives around what really matters.” Comer goes on to say that being created in the image of God and made from the dust of the earth means we face two realities: Image and Dust or, Potential and Limitations.
Here are just a few Limitations Comer describes:
-Our bodies are limited and none of us get out of here alive. We can be in only one place at a time
-Our minds are limited and can only “know in part”
-Our gifting’s vary and personality and emotional wiring differ.
-Families battle with wounding mothers and absent fathers, generational poverty and socio-economic difficulties.
The Truth is We Were Never Meant to Do this Alone.
We’ve learned that the solution to an overbusy life is not more time. Rather, to slow down and simplify our lives around what really matters. So, what really matters and what are we doing to protect what we value most?
How do we see our values reflected in the way we actually spend our time?
The Average American spends in One Year:
-705 hours on social media
-2,737.5 hours of TV
The average guy spends 10,000 hours playing video games by age 21. Mastery, perhaps in the wrong direction?
Charles Chu has indicated that our lack of time is self-inflicted, “Here’s the simple truth behind reading a lot of books. It’s not that hard. We have all the time we need. The scary part – the part we all ignore – is that we are too addicted, too weak, and too distracted to do what we all know is important.”
In American families and communities we see a paradox. We see students and families with advantages of affluence, opportunity and yet soaring rates of anxiety, depression, suicide and heart disease. When facing stress individuals may choose to escape through the misuse of food, video games, social media, isolation and alcohol. Today’s families are busy and over-scheduled. Many are preoccupied with excessive screen time with real time updates and notifications or involved with demanding competitive sports and weekly activities. What about slowing down from the busyness? Dr. Richard Swenson’s book, Margin makes the point,“Ninety-nine percent of American homes have a television, with the average set turned on fifty-five hours a week.” Families are overloaded with information and being given a desire, as Patrick Morley states, “to buy things they don’t need, with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t like.” We are now growing oddly distant from one another and the results have lead to an increased state of hopelessness and panic.
How Do We Slow Down and Simplify Our Lives Around What Really Matters?
On Time
Consider the sabbath, the origin of many call self-care. The word Sabbath comes from the Hebrew word Shabbat, meaning to “stop” or to “delight in”. The sabbath was designed as a full day of rest. This is a gift of time, a day called blessed and holy. Dan Allender said this of the sabbath day, “The Sabbath is an invitation to enter delight. The Sabbath, when experienced as God intended, is the best day of our lives. Without question or thought, it is the best day of the week. It is the day we can anticipate on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday – and the day we remember on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Sabbath is the holy time where we feast, play, dance, have sex, sing, pray, laugh, tell stories, read, paint, walk, and watch creation in its fullness. Few people are willing to enter the Sabbath and sanctify it, to make it holy, because a full day of delight and joy is more than most people can bear in a lifetime, let alone a week.”
What if we dedicated one day a week to simply stop: to stop worrying, working, shopping and make ourselves so busy? Maybe margin is closer than we think, staring us right in the face. It seems we have a choice: What will we do on our day of dedicated rest this week? Can you feel the anticipation?
On Relationships
Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy writes concerning the importance of positive close relationships, "You can eat special organic and gluten-free foods, gulp down multivitamins, get yourself to a gym and meditate into a stress free zone, but the best tonic for staying healthy and happy into old age is probably turning up your relationship. Being attached to your partner buffers us when illness strikes...it is emotional support, expressing concern and allowing partners to express their feelings that sustains health and maintains optimal functioning of our bodies cardiovascular, hormonal and immune systems. And it is emotional support, not physical assistance or pragmatic advice that most cushions us from the stress and strain of illness when it occurs." The truth is there’s no replacement for time and it’s not too late to slow down and make a change today.
There is freedom in knowing that we don’t have to hold it all together. We can slow down, recognize our personal limits, and when it’s appropriate, say no. We also can pause, take inventory and make changes in the way we spend our time to prioritize what we value most in our personal lives, families, organizations and communities.
One limitation Comer didn’t address is our desire for other’s approval and how that may negatively effect the way we respond in relationships and also why some choose not to take their paid vacation days.
I hadn't realized just how much my desire for other’s approval had began affected my relationships. I was taught that with my primary love language being "Words of Affirmation" that it would be best to use "Acts of Service" to gain my "Words of Affirmation." Years later I have come to realize that this is a dangerous game where I can be manipulative or find myself feeling desperate for closeness/approval of those around me. This realization has been a helpful one that I have shared with my close community. Many in response have shared that they can relate to the desire to please and find approval. Another problem I found is, if we're not mindful we can loosen our own personal convictions and boundaries to appease those around us leaving us depending on their standard for us. One moment we can be seen as the hero and the next, the villain, depending on their standard of thoughts and based upon their changing feelings. I continue to be amazed by the unchanging love of God and having all the approval we need as His children. There is nothing we can do to make God love us any more or any less. We couldn't earn his favor, grace, faith or salvation even if we tried. He gets all the credit and it’s not our job to uphold any of that without Him! When we put our trust in the LORD and depend on Him we can find rest and peace that passes understanding.
Consider these words from Jesus,
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
We have an open invitation to Come, Receive, Learn, and Find Rest (Matthew 11:28.)
If you’re reading, you are not alone and there is still an opportunity to redeem the time and make the most of each moment in front of you. The best kept secret is to exchange loads, one yoke for the other.
Choose today to honor your limits and take a vacation day!
Additional Resources:
Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard Swenson
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer
To Hell with the Hustle by Jefferson Bethke
Looking to Take the Next Step?
Consider the Dependence Plan
Josh has a Unique Focus to Steward Care and Boundaries including a Direct Emphasis on:
Dependence: Identifying our God given Personal Needs, Limitations and the Rest we need
Boundaries: The ways we Steward the Gifts we have been Given Including Relationships, Time and other Granted Resources
Love: The Call to Give and Receive Love in Community, Even in Weakness
If your Family, Team or Organization is interested contact Josh at info@joshneuer.com
Josh Neuer is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Greenville, SC who speaks worldwide about how individuals, families, businesses and communities can find hope and healing that literally changes the world! Josh is passionate about empowering meaningful change in communities and team cultures. He is the founder of Joshua Neuer, LLC Counseling, a committed husband and father, and is absolutely crazy about relationships!