Question:

Will you talk about fear? Specifically, the fear of death and the unknown?

Answer:

The fear of pain, being alone, the unknown and dying are very common fears among people. We share these fears and they can manifest themselves in even our closest circles. We’ve learned that fear can be profitable and to our benefit when it comes to survival and helping ourselves or others in moments of danger. We also know that fear can paralyze and cripple the soul.

Depending on what you believe, what happens after you die is a large part of fuel for the fear. Knowing the end of the story can bring some level of comfort and even at times, peace. The road of the unknown meets with your belief of the afterlife. There is a lot of consideration about what will be left behind including families, businesses and even debt! We also know that we don’t take any material possessions with us when we die. Let’s first explore grief and what is left on earth in a person’s absence. The grief is a tremendous weight that comes with immense pain and sorrow. We miss the person that has died and now live without them. The finality of knowing them in our life in this body is significant and the loss I cannot minimize. For myself, losing my mom and dad and other loved ones has been incredibly painful. It’s only in recent years that I have come to grieve with greater hope. I have come to understand that all of creation is measured in life cycles, or seasons. There is a time to live and a time to die. We can only control so much of this process. I hope this response not only informs you, but also brings hope, greater understanding and comfort.

When I think of pain, disease, and death in our world no words comfort me more than the assurance we have in our life after death. We are told that as we put our confidence in Jesus He will become our God and we, His people. Here are the words…

“…and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” The Bible speaks of all things being made new. New bodies, new earth, the best new normal I can imagine. C.S. Lewis referred to heaven and the new earth as a story, “no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.” Many years before C.S. Lewis penned those words, one man, John Todd wrote to his aunt in distress. Anxious of the unknown she was about to face, she was very ill and expected to die. The man brought comfort in saying, “Someday soon God will send for you, to take you to a new home. Don’t fear the summons, the strange journey, or the dark messenger of death. God can be trusted to do as much for you as you were kind enough to do for me so many years ago. At the end of the road you will find love and a welcome awaiting, and you will be safe in God’s care.”

I know this is very spiritual and certainly don’t mean to be offensive to what you believe, but I thought I would bring something more comforting than breathing exercises and a bucket list! Although I am a fan of both. How does having a clearer vision of the afterlife comfort a person facing death, as we all are? Doctors McMillen and Stern in their book, “No More Diseases” shared, “After sitting beside hundreds of deathbeds, we have seen this recurring pattern. People with a strong faith tend to die in peace. People without faith tend to die in terror and torment.” What we think and what we believe are significant factors towards any of our fears, including the fear of life after death.

I encourage you to talk out and name your fears with those you trust. Often we can be a prisoner of fear and internalize anxious thoughts. Change this pattern and find some release. Prayer is a beautiful means of confession and connection with God. As you pray confess your fears and ask God to help you understand more or, if nothing else, trust what he says about life after death and what He says about you. While none of us know the exact day and time of our death, some may be sick and near death. It’s important to make things right with God. Read the Bible and if there’s two books I encourage you to read on this subject it would be “What Are You Afraid Of” by Dr. David Jeremiah and “All Things New” by John Eldridge. Both address fear, grief and much tragedy with a promise of hope that cannot fade. I am fully confident that the life after death will far surpass life in this body. I look forward in expectation to a life with no pain or loss where I will see my lost loved ones living in the perfect setting in the presence of God, as we were both designed and redeemed. In that sense, the best is yet to come. Leave your legacy and steward every day. Embrace the gifts we have and remember that the best is yet to come. You are not alone in this fear and I hope these words bring much comfort to you today.

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“You have really helped our family in more ways than you know. ”

— Thankful Family

Question:

I am really worried about the COVID-19 virus and how it’s affecting people and the economy!

Answer:

The pandemic has been a concern for many people and I am actually pretty impressed with the way I’ve seen people handling it. While there is divisive communication on social media debating the medical vs. economical impact, I have also seen communities rally together to support those in need. Churches, businesses, schools and families have made incredible adjustments in a very short time. Still, many have lost a lot and each person has something to grieve. Students have faced a major adjustment with moving towards school virtually through eLearning. Some have lost sports seasons and school events including graduations. Some people have lost jobs and many businesses were forced to close during the pandemic. The “new-normal” can be accepted with purpose once we have begun grieving what we have lost. Share your loss with those you love. I make it a point to let everyone know that this has been a difficult time and it’s okay to:

Feel a temporary lack of motivation for school or work right now
Want to stay inside when it’s raining outside
Stay outside when it’s sunny outside
Feel anxious about the next wave of changes

I have encouraged clients to avoid turning to things that numb pain and lead to greater problems; including addictions like pornography, excessive amounts of alcohol or substance abuse.

It’s a difficult time and where we put our hope matters. Through this pandemic my understanding and faith in God has increased. He is unprecedented and holds all the world in His hand and the promise we have is that all that was lost will be made new. As we continue to put our hope in the LORD we ask Him for guidance as we move from the pandemic into the unknown upcoming school year, election and future. I encourage you to pray and place your cares on Him - speak with courage and be vulnerable, “God, I’m scared. I don’t know what to do and I’m afraid of getting sick or losing my job or for our community and economy.” These are rational fears and it’s important we don’t become ruled by them. Call a friend and share your thoughts and concerns. You are not alone. Counselors are continuing to meet with people through teletherapy via video and phone sessions for individual, marriage and family counseling. I read something earlier this week that brought me encouragement. For a while I was concerned about the long term effects of the pandemic and social distancing leading to increased problems including suicide. However, psychologist Jill Harkavy-Friedman, PhD, vice president of research at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention shared this, “One event can bring stress, but it’s not going to make someone suicidal out of the blue,” she goes on to explain that “It is typically a combination of biological, psychological, environmental and other factors that renders people vulnerable to suicide...take the Great Recession of 2008…” she points out, “about 4.8 million people lost their jobs, and the suicide rate didn’t skyrocket.” And then comes the important reminder: “We’re much more resilient than we give people credit for.”

Empower your Energy Towards Caring for Others: Consider specifically supporting local businesses, churches or specific families that you care about in your community. Shop local, reach out to friends or family with specific needs and let them know that you care about them. Ask specifically what you can do to support their work in the community. I know that this would mean a lot to me as a business owner.

I have dedicated an entire page on my website for COVID-19 support and resources for families and communities, HERE. The page includes videos, articles and practical tips and tools for what we can do right now. Community resources are key and I encourage you to continue to share your thoughts. Thank you for sharing them with me!

-Josh Neuer, LPC